We’ve all read books with badly written characters.
You know the ones I’m talking about.

Women are written as overly emotional—if they’re written as anything more than a pair of perky boobs, impossibly long legs, and fluttering eyelashes.

And men are written the opposite way; never having any feelings besides jealousy; they’re bossy and demanding; and as long as they’re attractive, when they ogle women, it’s…not creepy?

I don’t need to sit here and tell you why either of these things are bad. (And as far as horrible depictions of women in literature go, the Men Write Women Twitter account has that more than taken care of.)
What I do want to talk about is how to write characters that defy those awful things. I’ll talk about female characters in a later post, but for now, I want to talk about male characters who are more than just biceps and a knowing smile.

Because I am absolutely, 100% here for soft male characters.

What do I mean by that?
Really, you could take that any way you’d like.

I can’t remember the last time I read a book where the characters didn’t sound like absolute models—and that goes for the guys, too! But men are self-conscious about their bodies, too, even if you don’t hear them talk about it as much as women. I want more male characters who aren’t eight feet tall, perfectly tan, and without an ounce of fat on their bodies.

So “soft” could be a physical adjective and that would be fantastic!
But I’m talking more about something that goes a little deeper than that.

We can all agree that any character who has no emotions whatsoever is boring. I’m going to go a step further and say that they doesn’t deserve a place in a story. Characters are what connect readers emotionally to the story, and if the characters can’t even crack a smile once in a while, that just won’t happen.

But this flaw in character creation is something that happens with men a lot more, I think. And the only feelings that are “acceptable” are intense, burning emotions—anger, lust, etc. Unfortunately, there are people like this…but they’re the exception, not the rule.

And just like women being portrayed as too emotional is unfair, men being shown as not having a sensitive side is just as untrue—and, I would imagine, hurtful.

So what do I mean? What is this softness?
I can think of about a hundred different “soft” traits that you could give to any character. Here are just a few!

Loving animals
Honesty
Being a good listener
A creative hobby
Generosity

These are things that I don’t often see in “manly” characters; or if I do, they’re subtle, just so I know he isn’t a total jerk.

Let’s look at some examples of these traits and characters that I think defy that stereotype of toxicity!

Examples in Final Fantasy 15

I think FFXV does a fantastic job of showing us examples of “soft” male characters—while warning against that toxic masculinity, too.

Ignis is the quintessential mom friend. He cooks, he cleans, he makes sure everyone gets enough sleep—he reminds his friends to put on sunscreen. It’s part of his job, but he goes above and beyond what he’s expected to do out of love for his friends. He tries over and over again to make one of Noctis’ favorite desserts; just because he wants to. He sacrifices every single day to make sure his friends are taken care of.

But he’s not weak. Definitely not. He’s super smart, an excellent fighter, and he’s super loyal, always putting his friends first—even when he shouldn’t be.

Prompto is definitely soft. So pure. The most adorable little cinnamon roll. He’s obsessed with all animals—especially chocobos—, he’s obviously a very caring friend, and he’s always there to make jokes. In contrast to one of the other main characters of the game, he’s just a scrawny little kid.

But a lot of that is just for show, to cover up hurt that he doesn’t want anyone else to see.
He makes jokes so that he will fit in better.
He’s obsessed with the way his hair looks because of insecurities about his body.
He goes out of his way to be helpful and kind because he’s afraid of losing the friends he has, if they find out who he really is.
And when push comes to shove, this kid fights back. He has strengths no one even knew he had, and overcomes a lot of personal struggles as he helps his friends save the world.

And then there’s Gladio.

The fighter of the group. The one who runs around with his shirt open all the time. The shameless flirt.
He loves his friends…but he pokes fun at Prompto when he’s scared.
Even though his job is to protect the prince, he goes off on his own to defeat a notoriously difficult challenge just to prove to himself that he can.
He messes with his little sister’s emotions when she has a crush.
Unlike the other guys, he doesn’t have a good arc; his character doesn’t change much from the beginning of the game to the end. He’s there to look pretty as much as anything else.

And I don’t think that was on accident.

Examples in The Lord of the Rings

What about Sam Gamgee?

He’s not brave. He’s not fit like Aragorn or Boromir. He doesn’t have any special qualities that make him an obviously important part of the Fellowship. He’s a gardener who loves the stories about the elves and Bilbo’s silly songs.
And yet…Frodo would have completely failed without him.
Middle Earth would be in ruins without that adorable hobbit. He’s loyal, and he’s obviously strong if he can resist the Ring’s temptation, and the love he has for nature and the simpler things in life is precious.

Or Faramir! *Climbs up onto soap box*
Movie Faramir is a bad representation of the character we’re given in the books. Faramir, in contrast with his warrior of a brother, is much gentler.
Here’s a quote from him: “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”
Faramir is a romantic, and motivated by a desire to protect what he loves instead of to prove himself—which, given how his father treats him, is surprising.

Aragorn is definitely a “manly” character, but without the toxic traits we might see elsewhere.

In the movies, we can see him encouraging Éowyn to do what’s right for her; he goes against society, accepting that not all women want to be gentle. He accepts her for who she is, and I think he helps her do the same.
And at his coronation—a great time to be selfish!—, he tells hobbits that they don’t have to bow to anyone.

And don’t even get me started on That Scene with Boromir. There’s so much gentleness. He’s not afraid to cry, even in front of other people.

He’s brave, but not in a cocky way. He’s not afraid to put himself in harm’s way for the benefit of others, and he does so without expecting anything in return.

LOTR is full of great examples of strong men who don’t abuse others with their strength, but instead use it to protect and make the world a better place for everyone.

Do you want another example?

My hubby and I have been watching a lot of the Great British Baking Show and so many of those guys seem like the sweetest things ever! Not only do they have some of those “soft” traits, but I’m crazy about the way the guys interact with each other.
They’re not afraid of hugs—or, even, in the episode I watched recently, one of the guys was just leaning against each other on the couch. There’s so much platonic affection in that show, and it makes me so happy to see!

So why does this matter?

You can have the most unique world or the most thrilling plot, but if your characters are lame—or worse, bad!—none of that will matter. If they don’t feel anything, neither will a reader. And it doesn’t matter what role in the story they play, if they treat the other characters badly, you can bet I won’t be rooting for them.

The stories we read, play, or watch do influence us. The last thing I want is to encourage unhealthy relationships by writing toxic characters who somehow save the day and get the girl. And I don’t want my characters to make male readers think there’s something wrong with them if they happen to be a bit more nurturing, creative, or sensitive.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of dark, mysterious, broody guys—who doesn’t?

But I see that angsty guy and raise you an angsty guy whose room has equal amounts of Metallica posters and houseplants.
An angsty boi who just lights up when he sees a puppy—and doesn’t care who sees him, because it’s a puppy, what do you want from him?

Are there any male characters you love for their softness? How about a particularly sweet trait that I forgot to mention? I want to hear all about them!